Tired.

I wish it were socially acceptable to have a doctor induce comas. I could use about a week's worth of catch-up sleep. Between the shitty mattress we have, sharing a borderline queen-sized bed with five cats, and Adam's tendency to snort and kick in his sleep, I just feel like I don't get enough of it. Adam teases me about sleeping in late when he goes to work but what he doesn't know is that its not so much a continuation of sleep but a start. The few hours of sleep I get between the time he leaves work at 7-7:30 till whenever I wake up (usually close to noon) is about the only few hours of decent sleep I get. Its sure as heck the only real deep sleep I get. During the night I toss, I turn, I cross my fingers and hope to God my hips won't flare up in shattering pain like they tend to, I get too hot, I get too cold...I'm a terrible sleeper. I'm starting to wonder if I shouldn't see the doctor about getting some prescription sleep-aids. The Equate sleep-aids don't cut it and Tylenol/Nyquil ends up making me loopy well past the noon hour. As in I've apparently driven Adam to work some of those mornings and have no recollection of doing so.

I get really tired of being a zombie. I'm tired all the time. Everything makes me tired. I don't know what it is. I just want to curl up and sleep. I daydream about sleeping, as sad as it is. My parents believe its depression, only I'm not depressed. Mentally I feel great. A little taxed from minor things but I'm not going to be wanting to or actually jumping off a bridge anytime soon. I feel more settled than I have in a long time. Adam's got a job interview on Friday and once we find out of he gets this job with the University, I can start looking for jobs. Yeah, I'll be staying around Storm Lake longer but I feel really good about it. Being financially stable enough to actually get our lives started is better than starting our lives and having them be miserable because of money troubles. I'm really kind of excited for it. Its good stuff. I have my different hang-ups but in general, I feel better than I have in a long time. Depression isn't the reason. I'm not overly stressed; no job right now to worry about, family is all doing good.

Its like I'm missing some key factor that allows people to get a full night's rest. I've tried meditating, watching my food/drink intake, and I've even tried not having my before bedtime cigarette. Nothing seemed to help. I still sleep poorly. I feel like the night is just a time for my body to prep itself for when I finally fall asleep in the morning (exhausted from rolling about the night) or for when I finally collapse in the middle of the day and take one of my four to five hour marathon naps. You think that I would be used to Adam's night rhythms and to our mattress. I don't know why all of a sudden these things prevent me from sleeping. There must be something internally wrong.

Maybe its because its storm season and if I'm not awake paranoid that a storm will come, I'm having bad dreams about them. Or maybe I'm going crazy and not even knowing. 1 AM this morning I phoned my parents because as I was finally drifting off, I swore I heard my mom's voice in my ear, yelling at me to call. Me being the superstitious person I am decided it was better safe than sorry and woke my poor dad up only to be told all was fine in the house and it was time I get back into bed. Being the good daughter I am, I did go to bed...only to have shitty sleep due to some really effed up dreams.

Go me.

I'd like to take this time to state that it is quite possible that my lack of sleep contributed to the fact my outdoor stairs completely pwned me this morning. Slippery stairs versus zombie me in flip flops? You shouldn't have to ask about the outcome. If you really want to, I'll be more than happy to show off my skinned elbow and badly bruised back/hip/thigh. Landed in the middle of my back on the first stair and skidded down the other three. It was a fun time. Then in typical Megan fashion, I yelled at Adam for asking me if I was alright...at the time it seemed liked a stupid question considering I was sitting on the stairs, gasping with teared-up eyes (none of them actually fell our of my eyelids so I don't count it as crying), and had a silly quivering lip. I then brushed myself off (after Adam carefully helped me up), and limped my way to the car. A fruit smoothie from Grand Central helped my injured pride but didn't do so much for the ominously sprained feeling in my back.

Ouch.