2.) Twiggy is staying in our apartment for the time being, put up in our spare bedroom. She is flourishing and well, and may have a new home once her kittens are born, weaned, and homed themselves. It'll involve a little finagling with pet transport organization but overall its a good sign. She is absolutely adorable and fit despite her elbow, which is beyond repair:
There she is with her baby bump. Someday we'll wake up to kittens. Its like the old Miracle of Life video except a thousand times more cute. I'll take newborn kittens over the glorified wrinkly parasites that are newborn humans. Damn them and their creepy newborn-ness. Perhaps I'm biased but the only cute newborn I've ever seen was Johnna.3.) Johnna, by the way, has a broken arm. No worries, its not serious, and the soft cast she's in how now become a combination snot rag due to the cold she has passed on to me and weapon. Honestly, there can be no better weapon for a two year old. She can innocently clonk me in the face and being the tender hearted creature I am, I instantly forgive her after a squeaky "Sorry Dig!". If I were a real human, I'd whip her into shape. Alas, deep down I'm a soft female.
4.) Benadryl is the new wonder drug. You can have your Mary Jane and crack. Keep your Percocet and Vicadin (codeine is another story all together). Give me some benadryl and after half an hour I'll be in heaven. An hour later I'll be in a mini-coma. Its better than the time I tried to put myself to sleep during a storm by mixing Equate PM and over the counter sleeping aides. Something about those little hot pink pills just does the trick. What could be better than thirty minutes of tongue-tingling sensation, vapid thoughts, and the distinct impression of having one too many Lemondrop martinis followed by twelve solid, uninterrupted hours of sleep? Nothing. So don't even try a comparison. Once you go pink, you'll never go back.
...Okay so its not as snappy as 'once you go black, you never go back' but toss me a bone. That saying never worked for me. I went black (or at least mulatto) and ended up of the Asian Persuasion.
5.) Not this past weekend, but the one before I got trainwreck drunk after meeting a six pack of Miller Chill and a bottle of Merlot, whose name I can't remember, in a dark alley. In my defense, I'm pretty sure Bryan was trainwreck drunk as well. Most of the night remains a mystery to me. Bryan tells me that I became enraged while eating a mini-pot pie and finding the amount of chicken to be lacking. It turned into a symphony of me shrieking "Less pot, more chicken!" while stabbing the pie viciously. My desire for chicken unslaked, I proceeded to drag him into a midnight round of patrolling the campground on the little Gator that has a broken parking brake. Rain and swerving aside, I'm pretty sure I did a good job of driving it. I'm generally an excellent drunk driver. The night ended up with me passing out on the kitchen floor, or so Bryan claims. I woke up in the motorhome. He didn't take me there, handyman Chuck didn't take me there (though in the morning he expressed worry over whether or not the Gator was somewhere in a ditch), so the issue remains unresolved. The only explanation is that I, in my awesomeness, managed to navigate my way not only down the apartment stairs, but through the store, out over the gravel, up the motorhome stairs, out of my clothes, and into bed.
And should anyone converse with Bryan do NOT let him guide you into thinking that I tumbled through two doors under my own intoxicated power. I don't remember much of that night but I do remember those two incidents. The first was that he opened the backdoor, which I happened to be leaning on while smoking. The second was when we went out onto the apartment porch to have a smoke and he 'forgot' to close the door all the way behind him and I leaned on that one as well only to fall through. Take that Bryan and your tricky door shenanigans!
6.) So this last weekend was our big Renaissance excursion. On all fronts it was a success. Adam and I stayed in our large seven person tent, snubbing our noses at Alex and Cory who slept in a mere three person tent. Meanwhile they carried themselves with an undue sense of pride over the fact they had an air mattress. Tent rivalry aside, it was a blast. Adam chopped wood with his hatchet, about killed me with an errant flying log, and he and Cory touched wieners over the fire. Okay, so two guys roasting hot dogs and making inappropriate comments is not probably hilarious to the general population and definitely not to Alex, but because my mind never moved past the sensibilities and humor of a 13-year-old I found it to be quite funny. It was drizzling rain the entire time, we had a hell of a fire, and beer. The Renaissance was muddy, rainy, full of freaks, and in general quite delightful. Cory found a drinking horn, Adam got another cup to add to our collection, Alex replaced her blownglass necklace, and despite my horrendous cough (which I'm not quite completely convinced isn't due to early onset emphysema) I managed to drink my fill in mead, hookah it up, and buy a gorgeous glass one-hit. I will probably never, to my disappointment, use it for delightfully illegal activities but simply owning it brings me much joy.
We got lost on our way to the Eden Prairie Mall until Alex and I convinced Adam and Cory that there is nothing jackass-ish about asking for directions. Of course I was the natural choice as the direction seeker and my suspicion that I tend to be the one voted into unpleasant tasks was confirmed. We did find our way, though I'm sure that Cory tried to willfully mislead us, and I finally finished my quest for a decent haircut. Now that I've gone into a dramatically layered bob, I find that I want it shorter. Shorter, shorter! I love getting my haircut and at this rate, I'll have not a hair to be seen. Alex drug Adam and Cory from shop to shop to watch her pick out clothes and we ended the day soaking wet, crowding around a roaring blaze that more than once threatened to get out of control. Later, Johnna played in our tent, had a wonderful birthday party, and good times were had by all.
7.) Ah yes, I started school again. Back into the role of student. Onward with my quest to become a certified veterinarian technician! Now only to find a roommate to stay with or to find the cheapest studio I can. Nothing much more to say about that. School is school, same day different shirt, so on and so forth.
8.) Benadryl...to quote my sister, 'that reminds me of a story'. Last night as I was drifting off to sleep, I decided the absolute best course of action regarding my tattoos would be to cancel my funds for my left sleeve and work on what will be a true piece of art. A raptor claw on my left lower back, red dotted line with the words 'slice here', and then a red X on my right lower back. Should raptors attack, you will all be wishing you had left them painless instructions.
9.) Adam just gave me my anniversary present early. I wasn't sure...I figured it was a toss up between the opal/pink sapphire/diamond in white gold ring or the tourmaline with the white and yellow gold band. Its the opal, a ring I've been coveting since I first saw it ages ago. What can I say. Adam is now officially free of all rage/annoyance directed at him for at least the next six months.
No comments:
Post a Comment