Revenge tactics

almost four years and i still watch the corners.
for headlight teeth creeping in my skull
your project, your damaged goods

after I left i lit up. just for you.
I dance with my charcoal lungs,
I'm reborn, flicking away the ashes,
rinsing myself of your crack scarred cheeks.

you said sun damage, I said I'm not naive.

I was alive and burning
the grass tickled my feet
sweat prickled my shoulders,
high strung.

you were on your knees and shaking
you begged, you hollered
still I said no, strutting in front of you
breasts high, hips back
I mocked you with the body
the one you said you owned

its his now, I told you
you imprinted on fresh cut thighs
and it was for the time in the rain
when you pulled over,
letting the thunder take me

they called me a bitch,
it was the best day of my life

Officer Andy.

I got kissed by a police dog today.

My favorite dog went back to the shelter he came from today. I wish I had enough guts to find out where he is so I could go visit. I'm afraid though that if I don't let go now, I'll become too attached. Then I'll cry everyday thinking about the fact I couldn't give him a home. I love what I'm doing, I love every minute I'm in that building, but its full of heartache.

Having a sixty pound GSD officer sit on me and act like a noodle made me feel better though.

I wish I could say Betty suffices as a pet. In all reality, she doesn't. She's nothing like my cats, who are a thousand times more intelligent and a thousand times less annoying. And she's not mine. She's just there, always chewing on my freaking hands, and jumping on me.

Now I feel whiny. I hate living without my pets. I need to win Publisher's Clearing House. Then I would be set.

And I'm off. Otherwise pretty soon I'll start intentionally smearing my mascara, get my eyebrow pierced, and start wearing shirts plastered with saying that attempt to be enigmatic.

On the side of the road.

Perfect days can be ruined so easily. Today was one of those. Everything was going wonderfully. I dropped by the SCNAVTA meeting and had a blast chatting with our president Tracy. I signed off on savings bonds so I don't have to worry anymore about my tires giving out and not having my books. I put a job at Walgreen's as a pharmacy tech. on the backburner because it would interfere with my schooling but then today got a call from Petland. I have an interview for becoming a part time kennel assistant. Its not as glamorous and probably not as high paying but it falls in line with my schooling much better and the atmosphere seems much more enjoyable. I filled up the Echo for only $19.15 and it was flashing on empty. I start more intensive VT stuff next week, learning how to restrain dogs and such. I also get to go see an officer and his K9 partner demonstrate for the school.

Everything is looking up. I leave Argosy feeling good.

Almost to the 41 turn off for Chaska laid a grey and white cat that had been hit by a car. It ruined everything. I always get a little sad when I see dead animals by the side of the road. I ery much support building 'natural' bridges over roads to allow native wildlife to cross over more safely. It wouldn't solve the whole issue but it would give traveling/migrating animals an option. But this is so much worse.

When you take in an animal it is under your care. Animals aren't like humans. They don't change from cute babies to functional adults that can take care of themselves. Animals are like owning a two year old. There may be greater levels of awareness as the pet ages but a pet is a pet. They are dependent on us for food, shelter, and affection. If you're not going to take care of animal don't get one. Plain and simple. If you don't have the time and dedication for an animal settle for looking. If its not the right time in your life, settle your cute and fuzzy fix by volunteering at a shelter, work at a pet supply store, or assist at a clinic. Its been said time and time again by people far better than I: Animals are not toys; they require care. They require your time and patience.

Focusing on the cat issue let this be known; the happiness of one's cat does not depend upon it being able to run freely. Cats are domesticated, though on a different level than dogs. A cat can better care for itself if outdoors than a dog can but that does not mean nothing will happen to them. Outside life is just as dangerous for cats. Cats are highly territorial (as anyone who has introduced a cat to an already cat occupied home knows) and fights between strays/ferals can be vicious with injuries being fatal if not attended to. They may be feisty but they are not at the top of the food chain. Dogs, foxes, coyotes, large hawks, alligators, raccoons, and cougars are all threats to cats that wander freely. As proven today by the sad body by the side of the road, humans are even more dangerous. Cars kill more animals than anything else. Cats may be clever but that doesn't mean they are masters at avoiding vehicles traveling at speeds over 65 m.p.h. Worse, there are plenty of people out there who have no trouble dealing with a stray cat by simply shooting, poisoning, or trapping it. There are people who don't have any moral compunctions about abusing a stray cat.

If you have no problem letting your pets wander when you know you live right next to a very dangerous highway, don't own a pet. Don't purchase a dog if you are going to let it roam about the countryside. Don't allow your farm cats to reproduce one after another simply because the kittens replace the older "mousers" that over the years have fallen prey to winter, predators, cars, and humans. Don't own a large snake if you're going to keep it in inadequate conditions simply for bragging rights. I'm not an animal rights person; in fact, they stand for just about everything I don't agree with. Animal rights activists will tell you that its perfectly alright to allow your pet outdoors to wander. Hardcore ones will tell you that this is preferable and to keep an animal inside is only torture. Any animal welfare supporter will tell you that this is not true. Outdoors is a great place for animals as long as certain conditions are met. Animals should be properly IDed through tags and microchipping, supervised, up to date on their vaccinations, and not only supervised but under some sort of restraint be it a leash or a secure outdoor pen.

I remember the first V.P. debate. Palin made a comment about Americans taking responsibility for the country and their lives. Its a fine sentiment but look at the nation we live in. We make advances every day and yet the average American is unable to properly take care of a 10 pound animal such as a cat. In a nation where people find it easier to deal with their pets being ran over than deal with the care taking of that pet, responsibility for one's self seems like a long shot. The "its only a dog/cat/ferret/snake/sugar glider/etc." argument gets old. Its nothing but an excuse used by people in order to make whatever has happened easy for them to move on from. Its easier to get over your cat being ran over or killed by a stray dog when you objectify it.

I wish it was different. I wish I knew who owned the cat so I could go punch them. More than anything, I wish I would have stopped and moved the body away from the road. It sounds creepy and I'm sure people would be freaked out but if the owners of that cat had simply taken care of he/she like they should have, it wouldn't have happened. That cat deserved a hell of a lot more than to just lay shattered by the side of the road.

Shoes that I need.

I've discovered shoes hardcore. These have become a need. I don't know what my shoe thing is lately. I can only hope it runs its course before I lose all my money. Which is so far not much since I'm spoiled but that won't be forever. Eventually people will tell me to buy my own damned shoes. They'll refuse to be enablers and pretty soon I'll be living behind a Payless, licking the windows and hoping someone tosses out a pair of Crocs (its funny because they're hideous). So yeah. There goes the neighborhood.

Ed Hardy by Christian Audigier Snowblazers. Probably completely typical when it comes to fashion but I want a pair. I don't have the money to get my sleeve started on so I might as well deck my calves out in tattoo based boots. On some other blog they were calling these shoes horrible and made ridiculous references to Brett Michaels. There is nothing Brett Michaels about these shoes. Obviously the author of the Blog-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named doesn't know enough awesome old men or walked into enough tattoo parlors to see these designs being used. Yes, yes, they're overused tattoo designs. They're the sort you see on young guys and think "dumbass" but see on seventy year old bikers and think "kickass". Perhaps that's why these shoes seem to inspire feeling of love or hate.

For me, its obviously love. These shoes remind me of the cool old guys I've met throughout my life. They remind me of parlors, where I feel comfortable at. And they're awesome. I'm not sure about the weather resistance of these boots but I'd be more than willing to try them out. After all they're flat soled and furry on the inside. However, it could be misleading. No promises in how they may hold up to Minnesotan winters.

Steve Madden shoes are some of my favorites ever. And now they come in bright, screaming yellow suede. I'm not sure if it could be more self-explanatory than that. Bright. Yellow. I've always wanted a pair of bright yellow shoes. I'm not sure what sparked this urge. I think it may have started with my rainboot obsession. You see bright yellow far more commonly in rainboots than you do in pumps. They're not rubbery in any way, another bonus. They're the perfect pair of shoes to make a certain outfit pop. I would totally be "that" girl and walk into a meeting of sorts in some blah black suit with freaking yellow shoes. In fact, I need to find something official to go to so that I can do it. Its something I must do. And if I can't do it, I'm going to do my damned best to find someone else to coerce into it. I love these shoes. I've never really owned anything that I considered a statement piece. Its pretty much the same old, same old. But I would consider these pretty close to being a statement piece.

Need. Not want...need those shoes.

My hero.

I saw him at the Mall of America. For real, no joke, he was there on stage doing something but he was so close I could feel the metrosexualism rolling over the crowd in waves. His mere presence made me want to shop for more than just my classic mixture of sweatshirts and somewhat stylish shoes.

Someday, I swear, Stacy and him will invite me out to New York for a 5k shopping spree. It will happen, just you wait.

Speaking of the MOA, I was there with my aunt, grandma, and Johnna. I wish I had a camera because the shoes my grandmother bought me (because I'm horribly spoiled) kick major ass. They may not be Louboutin but I'm perfectly happy with blue/black Chinese Laundry 4 inchers and black wedge and suede knee high boots.

Then there's the pair of Madden Girl heels I got myself today in taupe. I may not have much of a wardrobe because I much prefer shoes and jewelry, but I can only hope that in some small way Clinton would at least like my shoes. I'm a whore for his approval.

Louboutin's sideways tango.

I'm not necessarily a fan of "The Starter Wife", the main character did make a good point. Avoiding Christian Louboutin shoes is like performing an act of tantric sex. Damn near impossible. I love Christian Louboutin shoes, I'll admit it. I love the red soles because oddly enough, my favorite color combination happens to be black and red. Louboutin combines those colors wonderfully and the idea of a red sole makes me happy. Its a profound relief to find black and red boots that don't give you the appearance of having stepped foot into the soul sucking, tween idolized Hot Topic. I'll admit once that would have appealed to me (every kid goes through their stages; in my day it was goth, nowadays its emo) but now I prefer a look that doesn't scream vampire.

Yet with my financial status and planned future with a focus on rescue, Louboutin has become easy to avoid. With the lowest price tag for a simple pair of pumps being around $565 Louboutin shoes are one of those things in my life that I'll have to simply wave good bye and hope that someday that myself or my better half will be able to afford at least a piece of these. Classy.

It makes me wonder if taking out a loan for a pair of shoes would be at all selfish.

Do you know the muffin man?

I have to say, I found the most irresistibly cute jewelry ever. I've been a fan for 'food charms' for a few years now, starting when a gal I know online linked me to some of her awesome sushi charm bracelets. Now they're all the craze and there are some really impressive artists out there. Yet its definitely Jeanine of Tiny Cravings that takes the cake. Or should I say cupcake.

...Sorry. Three years with the man I've been with and you'd start to find stupid puns just as irresistible as Jeanine's cupcake charm. So what's so great about them? The artistry is the main thing. If you go search in DeviantArt, you'll find a lot of cupcake queen wannabes yet the quality isn't matched by half. This girl knows her cupcakes. If you look at the pictures she has of customers wearing their charms, you can see these things are just little; they're tiny. To put that much detail into something so small is impressive to say the least. A lot of the imitators out there tend to make cupcakes that end up looking like small, magical shrooms.

What's more is that she scents her cupcakes. They just don't look like cupcakes but smell like them too. Buttercreme, lemon, lime, etc. When you buy one of these you aren't just getting a tastefully done cupcake charm but one that will convince people you're actually wearing a little bit of cupcake goodness.

Not only does she sell pre-fabricated cupcakes, but you have the option of ordering custom designs. Whether it be the simple "pick your icing, pick your sprinkles" order or a more complex item that you deal with her personally about, there's a wide variety of options open. Her new designs are always fun and definitely deserve a second glance.

Jeanine's inventiveness makes her products one of a kind. I have yet to purchase a cupcake charm from her but I'm keeping a close eye on her Etsy for when she posts her goods left over from the Halloween booth she will be setting up. Right now she's out of stock for cupcake items until that is over but anyone interested in owning a cute charm should definitely check her out. Her items are great and I think they're adorable. Once she's back into the swing of things, I plan on ordering a few of them for friends. If cupcakes aren't your thing, take a look at her Lolita based charms and her other sweets charms. She does an amazing variety of things from lollipops to fudge cake.

To check out her site, hit this link.

Sweetheart, bitterheart, now I can't tell you apart.

Some Feist lyrics for you, oh yeah.

There's days where I just can't describe how I feel. So here's a little soundtrack of emotions. Yes, its pretty much all piano compositions. I happen to favor the piano...a lot. And indeed, there is a lot of Chopin. I can't help that his music is the most beautiful/tragic that I've ever listened to.

Romeo and Juliet (Piano arrangement): The Montegues and Capulets - Sergei Prokofiev
Nocturne in E Flat Major - Chopin
Piano Sonata No.23, F Minor, Allegro "Appassionata" - Beethoven
Succession of Witches (Piano version) - Nobuo Uematsu
Prelude No.15, D Flat, "Raindrops" - Chopin
Melodie, Op. 4, No. 2 - Fanny Mendelssohn Hensel
Waltz, Op. 36, No. 4 - Amy Marcy Beach
Nocturne No. 20, C-Sharp Minor - Chopin
Zehn Kleine Klavierstucke, Op. 12, No. 7 Prelude - Sergei Prokofiev
Minuet in G Major - J.S. Bach
Melodie from "Orfeo ed Euridice" - Sergei Rachmaninoff
No. 4, "The Night's Music", Lento - Bela Bartok (this one is really unsettling...I have really mixed emotions about it)
Arc-En-Ciel - Gyorgy Ligeti
Nocturne in G Minor - Chopin

And there you have it.

Vaginas with attitude.

So I hang around DeviantArt. I have a couple of favorite artists on there as well as a commission coming to me. One of my favorite guys on there is the user IMustBeDead because both his photography and photo manipulations are interesting and very well staged. Scrolling through his gallery, I was confronted by a very blatant vagina. In the comments section, he noted being inspired by the photographer Pelicanh. Curiosity got the better of me and I clicked.

Vaginas galore. This one happens to be my favorite.


No Glove - No Love by `Pelicanh on deviantART

Obviously by vaginas, I don't mean porn shots. I mean vaginas in their natural glory, be they pierced, shaved, or otherwise. I'm really very impressed. Its not every day that you come across a guy who can photograph a vagina for its aesthetic beauty and not just because they want to become well known as a jack off portion on DeviantArt. This is the only man I know that takes a picture of a vagina and then exclaims in its caption "Its so cute, I couldn't help it!". I would say that yes, some of his photographs push the envelope as to what's porn and what's not. However, I wouldn't hold that against him. In a world where feminists are defined as women who want special rights rather than equal rights, its hard for a man who likes vaginas to get by. I can only imagine the hate mail he gets.

Chauvinist. Pervert. Pig. Objectifier (yes, I did make this word up) of women. I'm sure a thousand numerous other insults have been thrown at him. In fact, because I'm an idiot, I just noticed that he published a journal along those lines. The only difference is that it seems to be underaged members of DA who have the most issues with him. Hm.My only issue? While I find his photography beautiful, I don't find vaginas particularly attractive. I just don't. And its not just female genitalia that I find not so amazing, its male as well. I think our reproductive organs are ugly. It just goes to show that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. After some research, churning through thousands of "OMGWTF" pictures, I found that there are women on DA that do the same thing with penises...they find them visually pleasing beyond the sense of 'oh my God, porn!'. While I greatly appreciate that there photographers out there that can look at our bodies as more than just sexual objects, I can't bring myself to look at a vagina and say "Wow, that is stunning".

Looking at Pelicanh's art made me realize one thing; I'm probably better off keeping my mouth shut if I encounter a group of feminists. I don't find the female body to be a wonderland. I don't find vaginas the epitome of Nature's artwork and I won't apologize for it. I don't find anything particularly beautiful about them whether it be physically or metaphorically. I find vaginas to be a bit horrifying. They don't look like flowers, they look like shriveled leather purses. Our 'cycles' aren't something to be celebrated...I find having a period to be devastatingly disgusting. I do wish that I could skip this whole thing and head right into menopause. Vaginas didn't create the world, vaginas don't make women superior, and I think the feminist tendency to worship them is quite disturbing. Talk about genital fixation.

I'm not sure where this whole vagina thing came about. Men who worship vaginas are likely to be considered sexist pigs (a term that never seems to grow old), but you can't say boo to a woman who does. If you do, you'll get accused of suspecting her to be a lesbian. Worse, you'll get an earful about how all the world's problems can be solved through simple appreciation of what a vagina can do and its historical/cultural impacts. "Ask not what you can do for your vagina, but what your vagina can do for you." This would be how I look at it. Vaginas are great in certain aspects. Who am I kidding? Vaginas can be really great. They can do amazing things besides bleed and pop out little humans despite some groups' attempts to focus on those two issues. I'm beginning to fear that in the wave of neo-feminism, women are forgetting that their woman parts are more than just objects to be put on a pedestal. Respect your vagina, but don't let it sit around collecting dust.

I suppose all those things combine into one big thing. This is why I respect and like Pelicanh's art. For one, he's a man. In the world today men who photograph naked women are usually considered nothing but pornographers and certainly not artists. Two, he's a man whose successfully doing what feminists have failed to do for years...he's showing a woman's vagina without making it a sex object and while not making it seem like some unachievable ideal. Three? I can't say anything else other than while our definitions of beauty greatly differ, Pelicanh is a man with balls.

This. Is. MINNESOOOOOOTTTAAAAA.

Minnesota is the capital of dangerous drives.

PS. Little '300' reference for those who haven't seen it.

Driving through Minnesota is like running the not-so-metaphorical gauntlet. Its a good ol' smackdown with Darwin, mud and Jell-O included. Minnesotans have perfected the art of trial by car. Sometimes you make it, sometimes you don't. Only the strong and gutsy survive. When in doubt, cover your eyes and dive right into traffic. Its what all the cool kids are doing.

My driving abilities are what makes me feel like an outsider. I rarely go more than 15 MPH over. 10 MPH is my usual cut off point when I'm not on my friend 169. However, that's not enough to make it on these roads. I've got soccer moms (the sort that do wear lipstick, not those roguish pitbull types) and old ladies shaking their fists at me. I've always believed that just because you can go right on red that doesn't mean you should...here, turning right on red seems to give everyone a free pass to bolt into traffic, wishing luck to any unfortunates in their way.

I've never seen anything so brutal since my near death at the hand of Belgium bicyclists.

Of course it doesn't help that any road within 30 miles of Minneapolis was designed by a kid with a box of crayons.

Cooky accents aside, I have a newfound respect for Minnesotans. The fact that any of reach ages past that of 16, when they acquire their license, and reproduce a master work in and of itself.